He's Dead
by sortasupersam
Summary: Traversing the path of mourning through misguided passion. Levi x Mikasa, shameless smut.


_I don't know what the fuck I ship anymore. _

_Excuse my shitty prose. I haven't written anything substantial in ages._

_Not to mention, this is my first attempt at SNK._

_Without further ado, enjoy._

* * *

It hurt so bad, so _so _bad.

Her stomach knotted, innards twisting into pretty bowties. A sensation of suffocation was lodged in her throat, she had to _remind _herself that she had to inhale and exhale. Skin was blazing like ten-thousand infernos were embedded in the pores of her body. She was split in half, body stretching in the unholiest of ways.

"I-It _hurts,_" She whispered, her voice sounding alien. "Oh _god _it h-hurts."

Mikasa _needed _it to hurt. She needed to feel him tearing her up without any remorse. She needed Captain Levi to destroy her body, use her until she was within the last inches of her life. He was so strong and so heartless, he could do it. He was fucking her because Eren never could and Mikasa gripped the shoulder blades of the wrong man as he touched her in ways she could never take back.

He was grunting like an animal. Always graced with poise and a masculinity best described as _elegant_, yet here he was, making noises deep in his throat, sounding less and less like a human with every thrust. "Do you want me to stop?"

A question not to be confused with tenderness. He was cold and impatient, making a point to drive himself a little bit deeper inside her. He _wanted _her to hurt. "N-No," She managed, but it didn't make a difference. She knew he would have kept going regardless of her answer.

"I haven't fucked a pretty little virgin in _years_," His tone had not an ounce of inflection.

She learned the concept of virginity at twelve and swore to herself that it would be Eren who would take it on their wedding night. Eren, with those passionately forest green eyes, would look her in her eyes and connect with her in a way that only lovers were capable of.

But with Levi, it was not love. It was rage and hate and the sickening _need _to get the image of death out of her head. People were dying around her, her friends and _family_, and it was so lonely. Eren was dead and it was so lonely. "_C-Captain, oh god,_" She couldn't bear the loneliness and the abandonment. "Please f-fuck me harder, _Captain._"

"It's _Levi,_" He retorted, mopping up a bit of Mikasa's drool at the corner of her mouth with the padding of his thumb. "And stop slobbering like an animal."

She was an animal, because animals fucked without the emotional connection. They are so permeated with instinct and feral _heat. _Mikasa was a creature of lust and of agony. "L-Let me suck y-your—" She muttered because he was the one man that she couldn't protect Eren from. She couldn't finish what she was saying because he was a monster. A sick, twisted excuse for a human being.

Levi, demeanor apathetic, stopped his thrusts, pulling out of the girl. She felt oddly hollow, even more empty than she thought she was capable of. He was pretty sure she was crying, and he relished in that. Only the weak cried and he lived to put the weak in their place."Suck my what?" He took his fingers and guided her jaw to face him. "Say that again, Ackerman. Suck my...what?"

"P-Please," His eyes were so narrow, so _bored_, so miserable. He was just as a pathetic freak of nature as she was. She stroked the face of the killer, of the man who took two impassive slashes to the back of Eren's neck. Mikasa wanted to writhe in the agony of giving this man pleasure. "Please let me suck your _dick._"

Levi, knowing her motives better than she even did, smirked. It wasn't a genuine smirk. Nothing about Levi was genuine. So he decided to help her suffer. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"L-Let me suck your _dick..._"

The corner of his mouth twitched upward. "One more time."

"Your _dick! _Your _cock! _Whatever you want to call it, just let me deepthroat you until I can't breathe..." She couldn't believe the words leaving her mouth. She wished herself death over and over. "P-Please Levi..."

In one sweeping motion, he used a single arm to throw her off of his bed and onto the floor. No one was ever able to treat her like a rag doll like that before. She felt hopeless and weak and touched herself because of the oncoming wetness. "Touch yourself like that some more," He muttered without much enthusiasm.

Levi positioned her on her knees, took a seat on his bed, then proceeded to stroke himself just centimeters away from her nose. She stared at the sight before her, licking her lips at such a display of manhood. It frightened her because it looked so big and she knew she was going to gag and choke and the thought of that made her heart race even more.

She wrapped a hand around the base, giving an experimental squeeze. Levi stared down at her, not entertaining her with even the slightest bit of reaction. Darting a tongue out to the tip, she gave a hesitant lick. It was salty and lingered with the smell of sweat. Tonguing the slit, she pulled away and his dick twitched. She glanced up to see the slightest quirk of an eyebrow. Mikasa was getting a response from what she was doing. She was pleasuring this monster and she actually liked it.

Mikasa could only imagine how many other girls he'd had in this position before her, and the thought made her stomach drop. He had been with other girls. Had Eren been with other girls? Eren could've found love in someone else right under her nose, he could've been getting his dick sucked while Mikasa would lay in bed every night and fantasize about their wedding. She wanted to puke.

Taking the entire length of Levi into her trembling mouth, she felt his tip making nice with her esophagus. She was thankful it was a natural sensation to have her eyes water while she was gagging, because the cock of the monster who killed Eren was deep inside her mouth and that thought made her want to cry. She bobbed her head, pretending not to be bothered when Levi grabbed her hair and forced her farther down the shaft of his cock.

"I'll bet you've never sucked Eren's cock this way," She tensed up. He was sick and twisted and wasn't allowed to say his name. "The poor boy. He sure was missing out."

She released his dick with a _pop_ of her lips, taking her hand and pumping the length. She narrowed her eyes up at him. "Don't you _dare _say his name."

Levi only blinked. "Eren."

"Stop it," Mikasa looked away, lapping up the saltiness of his precum with the flat of her tongue.

"I can say Eren's name all I want," He traced circles over the surface of her flushed cheek with the tip of his finger. "I killed him, and now I have his girlfriend sucking my dick."

She hated this man. With every fiber of her being, she lit up in a fury of vehement rage. He was sadistic and evil and she wanted to take her swords right to his trachea. She wanted him kneeling on the ground, arms chained behind his back. Mikasa recalled that day so many years ago in the courtroom, where Levi publicly mutilated Eren, and all she wanted was for circumstances to lead up to a point where she could connect the ball of her foot to the cheek in his too-handsome face.

But he could kill her just as easily as he killed Eren.

That fact rang so true and it made Mikasa bitter to the core. She was the strongest _woman _soldier within the walls, but there was always Levi to outclass her and crush her like a bug. "You're a pig and deserve to rot," She muttered, words foreign to her ears as the left her mouth.

Levi took her by the neck, pinning her back down on the mattress. He could overpower her without not even exerting the slightest bit of effort. She wanted to scream. "Stupid girl," He was smiling ever so slightly. Mikasa met his eyes, eyes so exhausted and so tormented. "I'm going to fuck you until you feel my cock in your solar plexus. And you may hate me," He shoved himself roughly inside her. She shrieked at the painful intrusion. "Oh, _fuck_, you're so goddamn _tight_. You may hate me," Levi grunted, not moving an inch inside her. If he even twitched, she would have to moan out in a sort of twisted type of pleasure. "But I think you'll come around."

Mikasa wanted to melt because the heat inside her was so unbearably comforting. Levi was trying his best to make her feel good because the world was a cruel place to exist and she desperately needed the physical satisfaction to outweigh the torture in the inside of her heart. Eren was dead, no longer able to comfort her while she was down. His hugs were gone, and platonic kisses to her temple died along with him. Eren was dead, oh god he was _dead_, and Mikasa needed to forget she ever loved him in the first place because even while Captain Levi, _the _Captain Levi, was fucking her, she was so paralyzed from the pain.

The most beautiful human she knew was gone, and was replaced with a monster with demeaning, beady eyes. She held onto Levi so tightly because he was right here, helping her. He was _here _and was acting on his urges. He did what he needed on his own accord, which was so drastically different from Eren. Eren considered the feelings of all parties involved, always hesitating before doing. Levi pulled Mikasa off the training grounds, lead her to his bedroom, and here they were, fucking. He _acted—_he didn't need approval or advice or support. He was his own entity, capable of surviving on his own.

He killed Eren without hesitation. Eren went berserk in his Titan form, started to kill the lives of Levi's closest comrades. Levi didn't wait for orders, he _killed _because people were dying and he needed to stop it. Mikasa hated Levi so much. She wanted him to be dead with the rest of them because Eren was dead and all she could do was blame him.

She focused on his lips. They were delicate and rosy, much like her own. His lips were chapped and scabbed over, a faint scar just millimeters from the corner of his mouth. Levi's mouth curled, a stifled moan releasing under his breath. Mikasa wanted to cry because he was a human. A monster _and _a human. He was just like Eren. He saw the loss of many more comrades than she ever did. _Eren_ was Levi's friend, his brother almost, and he had to exterminate someone he cared for because the love for him didn't quite outweigh the loss of his fellow comrades. He was so cold and so emotionally void because if he _wasn't_, then there would be so much more blood on his hands. Levi was a monster plowing into Mikasa like a ravenous animal. Levi was also a lonely, wretched human being who needed to seek comfort physically because it hurt too much to open up the wounds and peer inside.

Mikasa could never forgive Levi killing her beloved Eren.

"K-Kiss me," She whispered, voice hoarse and clouded with sorrow. She was just...sad.

"Why would I do that," He couldn't be bothered to lift a single syllable above monotony.

"Because I'll slit your throat if you don't."

He ceased his thrusting, pulling out of her. The emptiness returned. "I don't kiss the women I fuck," His eyes were slits of misery and disinterest. She was becoming aware of how carefully guarded he held his face, how neat his hair was combed. "You're certainly no exception."

"Kiss me...please..." Mikasa was begging at this point. Begging because Eren never kissed her and she needed that gap to be filled with someone else. Eren wasn't ever a lot of things for her, and she had resentment boiling within her core because of it. She needed Levi to be what Eren never was.

"Oh, Ackerman, you're pathetic," No intent to insult, no intent to do anything but state mere fact. But he did end up kissing her, pressing his lips against hers chastely. Her first kiss. She ignored the goosebumps running down her spine as he trailed fingertips from her ribcage to her hipbone.

Fingers of a killer, fingers of a human being. He was just as pathetic and exhausted as she was, and misery loves company. "Make love to me," She murmured against his lips.

"That would require me to love you," His head fell against hers. A crack in his demeanor. "And we both know I don't."

She let the words marinate for a moment.

_He doesn't love you, _as his lips made their way down the hollow of her throat.

_He doesn't love you, _as his tongue left searing trails in the valley between her breasts.

_He doesn't love you_, as the tip of a single finger delicately stroked her clit.

_He doesn't love you,_ as his eyes softened just enough as he eased inside of her.

"Years of training and going through hell and I'm barely recognized for my war efforts," The words were pouring out of him. She held him tight. "Then a _boy _shows up with a loud fucking mouth and some stupid magic power and he's suddenly humanity's last hope."

He was grunting, anger overtaking his demeanor. He was hurting Mikasa with every rough shove of his hips. He drove deeper and harder. She could feel it all the way in her throat.

"And I grew to love the kid, like a brother," She felt wetness fall onto her collarbone. Tears. She couldn't do anything more than take his erratic thrusts with complete silence. "And I-I was so angry because my—my comrades died for h-him, and now he's dead. _Oh Mikasa, fuck._ Ikilled him. I was the one who had to slash his neck. It's all—_fuck, you're so tight Mikasa— _it's all been a waste. They died in—in vain. _Oh Jesus, you feel so good._ Everyone dies and it's just so lonely. _Goddammit, your virgin pussy._ He's dead, hope for humanity is dead, and—and this pain won't ever go away. All because of _me._"

She was stifling back sobs. She was the sole witness to his inner psyche and this frightened her. "I know it's lonely. _Oh god, right there._ He was my best friend. And I can't defend him b-because he killed all th-those people_—oh god please, please fuck me harder_. I couldn't stop him, I failed his mother and father. Their son is a murderer and I couldn't stop him. _You're so big, oh my god. _My family is dead because I'm a failure."

"You're going to die on me next, aren't you," No question in his voice.

She let him tongue kiss her. "Looks like it."

The breath hitched in her throat. It aroused her—oh _god _it turned her on so badly—knowing he was watching her with those beady eyes. He was watching her like a bird stalks its prey. She was about to orgasm and it was like she was on display for an entire audience to see. That audience was Captain Levi and he was the one driving her to the point of insanity. He would be the one to push her over the edge of control, watch her squirm, expose her most genuinely vulnerable side.

"Oh, oh god! _Fuck!_" She was convulsing and bucking her hips like a seized animal. She lost control of herself and no amount of self-control could rescue her. "Don't look at me, oh _god!_"

"Say my name, Mikasa," He was cold, collected. "Let me know it's not Eren you're thinking about."

"L-Levi! _Levi, oh my god, Levi!_" She pulled him into a tight embrace because if she let go, he would be gone too. She was panting in his ear. "Keep fucking me, _Levi!_"

"I'm going to come inside of you," He warned lowly. With moans that made her head spin, losing his icy poise for just a minute, he tongue kissed the girl again, spilling his seed deep within her. "Mikasa, _oh my fuck—_"

She watched as his eyebrows furrowed and those dark eyes close as he let his mouth wide open, groans and gasps coming out. He was a human being in his most primal, raw state of being. His eyes opened, staring into Mikasa's soul. Those looks of exhaustion and disdain was overwhelmed by a hesitant look of gratification.

And in that moment, she swore she wasn't alone.

* * *

_Shameless, pointless smut. You should review anyway._


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